Monthly Archives: September 2015

Have you ever woke up and started your day with some kind of frustration, and then everything seemed to go downhill from there? Then by late in the day, the only thing you want is for it to be over?

Have you noticed a pattern where how your day starts tends to be related to how your day goes?

It might not always be that way, but it often is. Your earliest thoughts and actions are powerful factors that influence the direction of your day.

So here’s a simple tip to increase the odds that your days will go better.

At the beginning of each day, take a pen and paper and write down at least three things that you are thankful for. More than three is better. But write down at least three things. Some examples of how you could start your sentences would be:

“I appreciate…”

“I am grateful that…”

“I am thankful for…”

Just start a sentence like this and finish it with whatever positive thing you can. Be honest with yourself and give it a minute if nothing comes to mind quickly. Eventually, you can always come up with positive things to be thankful for.

 

Very important point

The things you list don’t have to be big things. If you’ve been feeling particularly frustrated and you think there’s nothing positive you can come up with, then just be thankful for some basic things like…

“I appreciate that I have a place to sleep at night.”

“I am glad it’s sunny outside.”

“Thank you for a fresh new day.”

 

Write them down

Be sure to write them down. Don’t let it be just a quick mental thought that passes through your mind in half a second, and gone the next. Take that extra couple minutes and write them out. The fact that you are writing them down on paper dramatically increases your focus on what you are thinking. And more importantly, writing magnifies the feelings that the thoughts are producing. So be alert and observe yourself while you write. Notice whether or not your gut reaction is positive, relaxing and uplifting, or if the thought causes you to cringe or feel bad to any degree. If the latter, cross that one out and think of something else to write.

And don’t type these into a computer. Write them down by hand. We’ll discuss why writing is so beneficial in another article. But for now, just understand that writing things by hand is more impactful on your mind and inner-being than typing them into a computer.

 

 

Why do this?

This simple little technique works powerfully because no matter how you start your day, positively or negatively, those earliest activities will begin to build momentum in your day. There’s a saying, “What goes around comes around.” Whether positive or negative, good or bad, the momentum starts to build and it creates an emotional cycle upward or downward.

You may have encountered someone in the past and thought, “Boy, they sure got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.”

You can see it in others when they are radiating negative vibes into the universe. And what they’re putting out is usually coming back in one way or another. It’s karma. It’s a cycle that feeds on itself and creates a downward spiral.

You don’t want to be radiating negativity. Because it will inevitably be coming back to you.

Instead, if you start your day with feelings of gratefulness and appreciation, you are increasing the likelihood of momentum building around those positive feelings. And positive momentum is what you want coming into your daily experience.

Even if you’ve been simmering in negativity for a long time, if you do this each and every day – even though it may take a while – you will begin to feel better and notice a change in the direction in your life.

Prove it to yourself. Do this simple exercise for 60 days and enjoy the results.

One thing that hinders some people is forever thinking about doing something, but never actually doing it. It’s the paralysis of analysis – a churning that goes on in the mind. Thoughts like: How to proceed? What should be done first? What if it doesn’t work out? etc., etc… A myriad of details that you hash through your head, over and over. You may have the mental illusion of making progress. But in reality, it all adds up to doubt, hesitation and procrastination. And nothing is getting done.

This can happen with small things, and with big goals. Really important goals!

Why does this happen? And what can you do about it?

 

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

There could be many reasons why people get stuck and endlessly put things off. But let’s talk about a few of the most common ones.

Change. This is a biggie. I suspect that most people are not truly aware of how much we are a product of our thoughts and habits. There’s a saying that has evolved over centuries that goes something like this: Watch your thoughts, because thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become habit. And habit becomes destiny. There are many variations on this theme. But the central point stands true. The smallest things keep adding up to stronger and stronger reinforced patterns in how you live your life. The bottom line is that the characteristics of your behavior – your actions and reactions – are deeply rooted in a million little details that have accumulated over a lifetime.

When something new or different comes along, it represents a change (large or small). And this potential change stands against a giant – a lifetime of momentum of your habitual thoughts and behaviors which constitute your comfort zone. And change is not an easy battle to win. Because the comfort zone is, well, comfortable. And overcoming it takes a concerted effort.

How…? Another major reason that causes people to hesitate is being stuck on the “How?” They think they must know everything and have it all figured out before taking the first step. It’s a form of worry. And, interestingly, the vast majority of things that people worry about never actually come true (or they turn out much better than what people were worrying about). Statistics vary, but I’ve seen numbers ranging from 85% – 98%. Nevertheless, people keep on worrying. They are chasing “How?” questions.

There is a balance that is needed here, of course. Sometimes you actually need to learn something, or acquire a skill in order to fulfill what you want or desire. But when it comes to procrastination, many times people are going overboard wondering about a myriad of “How” questions that are just fodder for the mind.

Fear of failure. This is where a person doesn’t want to be seen as having produced a bad result, a failure or a flop. This gets to matters of self-esteem and self-efficacy. If someone’s sense of personal esteem and worthiness isn’t well developed, the risks of facing anything less than a glowing success or accomplishment can be paralyzing. Likewise, if they have low confidence about their ability to produce a result, this too can keep them from even trying.

Perfectionism. The perfectionist, on the other hand, is preoccupied with making everything just right – perfect. And this person is usually well-opinionated about what “right” means. This manifests itself as obsessing and spending inordinate amounts of time pursuing a flawless end-result. Anything short of that is unacceptable.

Lack of focus. This seems counterintuitive. You may suppose that if someone is stuck on forever thinking about something but never doing it, then at least they are focusing on it. But that’s not the case. If they were focusing only on the desired goal or end-result, then it is not likely that they would be stuck, doing nothing.

The fact is, this person’s mind is probably all over the map. They are probably focusing on some of the items listed above, and more. They may be easily distracted with other unrelated issues. They may find it hard to say no to other things. And therefore, even though they might talk often about their goal, the truth is, that goal is not getting the focus it needs to become a reality.

 

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?

If you are someone who just seems to be stalled and you haven’t been able to break out of that procrastination rut of forever thinking about something, but never doing it, then here’s some good news. Begin by following these three steps to unleash progress in your life.

1. Focus on the end-result. With all the time you’ve spent “thinking about it,” have you really been thinking about the end result? Or have you been thinking about a thousand other details? Spend time imagining the end-result! What will it be like? What sights, sounds and smells will you experience? What joy and satisfaction will you feel? Be vivid, and stay obsessed with the end-result.
2. Accept that mistakes may happen. We’re all human. Everyone makes mistakes. There are no perfect people. And there are no perfect results. No matter how good anything is right now, there’s always another improvement that can be made. Accept this and go forward. Something “good” now, is better than something “perfect” later.
3. Act now. This is big! Act now! Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not next year. Take that next step right now. Just look around. Observe anyone who seems to be effective getting things done. Notice how quickly they decide to act versus putting things off ‘til another day. Mimic that behavior. Don’t let days and weeks go by without you taking steps – taking action – on your goals.

By embracing these three concepts each day, focus on the end-result, plan for “good” results (as opposed to perfect), and take the initiative to act right now, today, then you will unshackle yourself from the chains of procrastination and begin to feel increasing joy and satisfaction from forward movement, day after day after day.

Turn your Forever Never into Forever Now and take that next step toward what you want. Don’t think about it. Just do it!

What do you want?

Is it more money? A better job? A new car? A bigger house? A vacation? More skills or expertise in your career field? Play a musical instrument? Speak a new language? Play golf? Run a marathon? Or maybe it’s about relationships? Do you want to meet new friends? Find that special friend/mate in your life? The list goes on and on. But there’s something else that lies within us that supersedes all these kinds of things.

If we were to sit down and write a list of our top 10 or 20 or 50 goals, wants and desires, our list would almost always point to temporal things.

But no matter what those details are, underneath it all is the desire to enjoy life, to have fun, and to be happy. This bears true in numerous studies and surveys that are done from time to time. It’s universal. People don’t get up in the morning with a goal or desire to have a miserable frustrating day. (Not that the day doesn’t turn out that way sometimes. But just that we don’t want it to be this way.)

It seems self-evident. But sometimes we lose sight of this simple fundamental truth. Sometimes we get ourselves tied up in knots as we live life and strive towards goals. And this is counter-productive, to say the least.

If there’s any doubt about what I’m saying, just take a look at the goals you may have in your life right now, and ask some probing questions.

I’ll use money as an example because having more money is a frequently cited goal for many people. But you can do this exercise with any goal. Let’s say your goal was to make 10% more money next year. Now ask yourself… Why?

Q: Why do you want more money?
A: Because I want some money left over after I pay my bills each month.

Q: Why?
A: Because I want the freedom to buy the things I want.

Q: Why?
A: So I can have a nicer car, and maybe take some weekend getaways once in a while.

Q: OK, let’s start with the car. Why do you want a nicer car?
A: Because my car is getting old and worn. I want something new and beautiful, and maybe a little bigger.

Q: Why?
A: Because I’ll be happier and more comfortable in a new and bigger car. And I won’t have to worry about possible breakdowns.

Q: Will it have that new car smell?
A: Yes.

Q: How will you feel when you drive that new car off the lot?
A: I’ll feel wonderful, elated, happy!

Of course the details of that little drill will change with different goals. But if you keep probing deeper with any of your goals and desires, it will almost certainly come back to intangibles like feeling good, enjoying life and being happy. Or put another way, no matter what the details of your goals are, underneath it all is the desire to feel good. And the details of your life’s circumstances will never change this. Even though you may have times of pure joy and other times of turbulence, at your core is a rock-solid, unchanging desire to feel good, to be joyful!

But why mention this? Why focus on this point?

Let me answer with a question.

How’s life going for you? Are you happy? Are you where you want to be in life? Are you [now] where you thought you’d be a few months ago (or a few years ago)? Is it all peaches and cream, and everything is working out exactly as you want? Have your goals and desires been working for you? Or have you been looking forward to different circumstances – different outcomes in your life?

For many people, it’s the latter. And if your goals and desires haven’t been unfolding as you want, that means you are doing something wrong. You are focusing on wrong things.

We’ll look at goals and goal setting in much more detail later on. But it’s good to plant this seed right now – to get your thinking going in the right direction. And we’ll start from the inside and move outward. Not the other way around.

If you accept that feeling good – enjoying life – is implicitly understood as an underlying desire of yours, then make it explicit. Declare it and focus on it. Pay attention to it and monitor it so that it stays vivid in the forefront of your mind. In doing so, you’ll be setting your mind, thoughts and attitudes in the right direction. It seems like a small thing, but it will become powerful in your life. No matter what your other goals and desires are, keep this one front and center and monitor yourself – monitor how you feel – as you go through each day. Take notice of what you are thinking or doing when you feel good versus when you feel bad, and then adjust accordingly. As time passes, you will notice change taking place within you.

So what do you want? You can choose anything in life that you might want to be, do or have. But remember, first and foremost, you want to feel good. You want to enjoy life.